What if I told you that ​the South Asian community has the lowest rate of divorce in the globe? This not only exists in their countries of origin, but also among diaspora populations all over the world!
DIVORCE IN THE SOUTH ASIAN COMMUNITY
In India, for instance, the divorce rate is as low as 1%. Sri Lanka on the other hand reports an even lower divorce rate of 0.15% (Ref: The Juggernaut).
Among communities in the South Asian diaspora, particularly in the US, divorce rates also remain low. Non-Native Indian-Americans are seen to have the most stable marriages, with a 94% success rate. Bangladeshi-Americans follow at 90%, and Pakistani-Americans at 87% (Ref: Riazhaq).
This sounds like good news right? Yes and no!Â
MARITAL SATISFACTION IN THE SOUTH ASIAN COMMUNITY
There is limited research on marital satisfaction in South Asian communities, and hence it is unclear what sustaining factors keep South Asian marriages together.Â
Limited studies indicate that these low divorce rates are often attributed to cultural and societal factors. In many South Asian cultures, marriage is considered a lifelong commitment, and divorce carries significant stigma. This societal pressure can discourage individuals from seeking divorce, even in challenging situations.
It's important to note that while official divorce rates are low, they may not fully capture the complexities within marriages. Some couples may choose separation without formal divorce due to societal pressures, and issues like domestic violence may be underreported. Despite this, the data available indicates that 48% of South Asians reported experiencing physical violence, 38% reported emotional abuse, and 35% reported economic abuse Rai, A., & Choi, Y. J. (2021).
Therefore, while statistics provide a snapshot, they may not reflect the complete picture of marital stability within South Asian communities.
A Note: This article is written by Prerna Menon who is a therapist that specializes in working with the South Asian, Asian and immigrant community. Prerna, along with our other South Asian therapists are here to help you navigate this unique and delicate balance.
COMMON ISSUES OUR SOUTH ASIAN COUPLES THERAPISTS HAVE OBSERVED:
Resolving Conflict in Relationships Involving Extended Family
Marital conflicts involving extended families, particularly in-laws, are common in South Asian communities. Given the collectivist nature of these societies, marriages often symbolize the merging of two families rather than just two individuals. While this interconnectedness fosters support, it can also result in role strain and power struggles, particularly between brides and mothers-in-law. To mitigate conflicts, couples can establish clear boundaries, engage in open communication, and develop a mutual understanding of family dynamics. Seeking external mediation from culturally competent therapists may also be beneficialÂ
Marriage in South Asian Communities
There are typically four primary themes that characterize South Asian marriages: gender roles, extended family influence, arranged versus love marriages, and intimacy and conflict. Gender roles often dictate marital dynamics, with traditional norms favoring male authority, although modern relationships increasingly emphasize equality. The presence of extended family can strengthen marriages but also introduce conflicts, particularly when in-laws exert authority over the couple. Arranged marriages, which remain prevalent, tend to report higher satisfaction rates compared to love marriages, partly due to familial support (Gupta & Singh, 1982). Nonetheless, intimacy and marital satisfaction can be impacted by external interference and traditional expectations (Das & Kemp, 1997; Sandhya, 2009).
Parenting and Gender Roles
South Asian families often emphasize traditional gender roles in parenting. Mothers typically handle household responsibilities and child-rearing, while fathers act as primary decision-makers and financial providers. Sons are generally favored and expected to support their parents in old age, while daughters face greater restrictions in upbringing and behavior (Carson & Chowdhury, 2000; Medora, 2007). Parenting conflicts arise when modern ideals clash with traditional expectations, particularly when immigrant families adapt to Western norms (Durvasula & Mylvaganam, 1994; Pillari, 2005).
Adolescence and Cultural Conflict
Asian Indian adolescents in Western societies often experience tensions between their parents' collectivist values and the individualistic culture they are raised in. Education is highly prioritized, and parental expectations for academic achievement can lead to stress. A generational gap may arise when children challenge traditional values, leading to conflict over issues such as dating and career choices (Durvasula & Mylvaganam, 1994; Medora, 2007). Families with greater acculturation gaps report higher levels of conflict, anxiety, and self-esteem issues in adolescents (Farver, Narang, & Bhadha, 2002).
The Immigration Experience and Acculturation
Immigration disrupts traditional family structures, often separating individuals from their extended support systems. Many immigrants struggle with language barriers, cultural adaptation, and concerns about legal status (Khanna et al., 2009). Differences in acculturation levels between parents and children can create family tension, especially regarding gender roles, dating, and career aspirations. While some traditions persist, younger generations often integrate aspects of Western culture, leading to a cultural balancing act within families (Dhruvarajan, 1993; Inman et al., 1999).
Patterns of Seeking Help in South Asian Families
South Asian families typically rely on extended family and community networks for support rather than seeking professional help. Therapy is often stigmatized and associated with severe mental illness, making many hesitant to seek counseling. However, as awareness grows, family therapy is becoming more accepted among South Asian communities, especially among younger generations (Mittal & Hardy, 2005). Barriers to therapy include the cultural expectation to keep personal matters private, the "model minority" stereotype, and a fundamental conflict between collectivist values and Western individualistic therapy models (Das & Kemp, 1997).
South Asian Couples Therapy Can Help
Understanding and addressing the complexities of marriage, parenting, acculturation, and help-seeking behaviors in South Asian families require a culturally informed approach. Whether navigating conflicts involving extended families, balancing traditional and modern roles, or seeking external support, couples can benefit from specialized guidance tailored to their unique experiences. South Asian couples therapy and Indian couples therapy provide essential frameworks for fostering communication, resilience, and harmony in relationships. By embracing culturally competent counseling and community resources, couples can build stronger, healthier marriages that honor both tradition and personal growth.
Summarizing South Asian Couples Therapy: A Guide to Love, Communication, and Growth
Part 1
The Need for South Asian Couples Therapy
Marriage in South Asian communities is deeply influenced by cultural values, extended family dynamics, and societal expectations. While divorce rates among South Asians are low, this does not necessarily indicate high marital satisfaction. Many couples face unspoken challenges, such as family interference, traditional gender roles, and difficulties in emotional intimacy. South Asian couples therapy provides a safe space to navigate these complexities while honoring cultural values.
Part 2
Part 3
REFERENCES
Baptiste, D. A. (2005). Family therapy with East Indian immigrant parents rearing children in the United States: Parental concerns, therapeutic issues, and recommendations. Contemporary Family Therapy, 27(3), 345-366.
Carson, D. K., & Chowdhury, A. (2000). Indian families in the United States: Diversity and dynamics. Journal of Comparative Family Studies, 31(2), 207-225.
Das, A. K., & Kemp, S. F. (1997). Between two worlds: Counseling South Asian Americans. Journal of Multicultural Counseling and Development, 25(1), 23-33.
Durvasula, R. S., & Mylvaganam, G. A. (1994). Mental health of Asian Indians: Relevant issues and community implications. Journal of Community Psychology, 22(2), 97-108.
Gupta, U., & Singh, P. (1982). An exploratory study of love and liking and type of marriages. Indian Journal of Applied Psychology, 19(2), 92-97.
Inman, A. G., Howard, E. E., Beaumont, R. L., & Walker, J. A. (2007). Cultural transmission: Influence of contextual factors in Asian Indian immigrant parents' experiences. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 54(1), 93-100.
Juvva, S., & Bhatti, R. S. (2006). Family dynamics and acculturation: South Asian families in the United States. Indian Journal of Social Work, 67(1), 79-98.
Khanna, R., Madhavan, S., & Nath, P. (2009). Gendered identity in South Asian immigrant families. International Journal of Intercultural Relations, 33(1), 42-52.
Medora, N. (2007). Strengths and challenges in the Indian family. Marriage & Family Review, 41(1), 165-193.
Mittal, M., & Hardy, K. V. (2005). A reconceptualization of family therapy with East Indian families. Family Process, 44(2), 137-155.
Rastogi, M. (2007). Asian Indian families. In J. E. Trimble, C. B. Fisher, & J. Jones (Eds.), The Handbook of Multicultural Counseling (pp. 375-388).
Rai, A., & Choi, Y. J. (2021). Domestic Violence Victimization among South Asian Immigrant Men and Women in the United States. Journal of Interpersonal Violence. https://doi.org/10.1177/08862605211015262
Authors
LCSW | CCTP
Specialties: survivors of childhood sexual abuse & incest survivors, existential crisis, race-based stress, gender identity & sexuality-related conflicts, cross-cultural issues, addiction, international students, family issues & acculturation
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