For many, the holiday season is portrayed as a time of joy, family gatherings, and celebration. However, for others, this time can bring heightened stress, opening of old emotional wounds, and anxiety. As a therapist, I’ve observed that my clients often feel overwhelmed by holiday obligations, financial pressures, and the unspoken expectation to be “joyful.” Many of my clients have also reported feeling like they "emotionally regress" when forced to be in familial environments or being around family members they have historically set boundaries around. If you feel similarly, know that you are not alone. Research shows that holiday stress affects nearly 38% of Americans, with anxiety being a common response to the season’s demands (American Psychological Association, 2021). Here are some strategies to help you navigate the holiday season while prioritizing your mental health.
The Pressure to Meet Holiday Expectations
One of the most significant contributors to holiday anxiety is the pressure to live up to social and familial expectations. The holidays come with an implicit demand to gather with family, participate in traditions, and buy the “perfect” gifts. For many, however, these expectations conflict with their realities. Financial strain, unresolved family dynamics, and the stress of managing busy schedules can make these pressures seem insurmountable. According to a survey conducted by the National Alliance on Mental Illness, 64% of people report that their mental health worsens around the holidays, often due to family interactions or unrealistic expectations (NAMI, 2022).
A helpful first step is to redefine what the holidays mean to you. Ask yourself, “What do I truly want from this season?” This can be a powerful grounding exercise, allowing you to center your holiday experience around your personal values rather than societal pressures.
"For those in collectivistic families, where the focus is often on family unity and shared responsibilities, setting boundaries during the holidays can feel especially challenging. Unlike individualistic cultures, where personal space and autonomy are more emphasized, collectivistic families may see boundaries as distancing or disruptive. Recognizing these cultural differences can help in approaching holiday stress with compassion—for both yourself and your loved ones."
Setting Boundaries with Family and Friends to Manage Anxiety During the Holiday Season
It’s common for individuals to feel obligated to attend every holiday gathering, even if doing so exacerbates their anxiety. Family dynamics can be challenging, and social obligations often intensify during the holidays. Research suggests that setting boundaries is essential for maintaining our mental health, especially when dealing with complicated family relationships (Brown & Brown, 2020). If attending certain events feels draining, remember that it’s okay to say no or to limit the amount of time you spend at gatherings. By respecting your boundaries, you are honoring your mental well-being and also honoring your familial relationships. Showing up and forgoing your boundaries only breeds resentment, and creates emotional distance in your experience of your familial relationships.
Consider setting a boundary script, something like, “I won’t be able to stay long, but I’m looking forward to spending time with you. I have some work-related obligations that I just can't compromise on. But I promise to make it up to you by making the most of our time together!” Practicing such responses can help you feel more prepared to advocate for your needs.
Navigating Financial Stress
Holiday expenses can quickly add up, creating financial anxiety. From travel costs to gift-giving, these pressures are real and can weigh heavily on individuals. Research shows that 61% of Americans feel financial strain due to holiday spending, with many feeling pressured to overspend to meet social expectations (Friedman, 2021). To manage this, create a realistic budget that prioritizes essential expenses, and set limits on gifts. Remember, meaningful holiday experiences don’t have to involve large expenses—some of the most cherished moments are those rooted in connection, not material gifts.
If your budget feels restrictive, consider getting creative with gifts. Homemade presents or experiences (like offering a family movie night) can be just as valuable and less stressful on your wallet. By honoring your financial limitations, you’re setting a healthy example for others, too.
Practicing Self-Compassion and Mindfulness
During the holiday season, we often place unrealistic expectations on ourselves to be cheerful or engaged. Yet, it’s completely normal to experience anxiety or sadness, especially if the season reminds you of past losses or unresolved issues. Practicing self-compassion—allowing yourself to feel what you feel without judgment—is essential for managing holiday anxiety. Studies show that self-compassion can significantly reduce anxiety and improve overall well-being (Neff & Germer, 2019). Check our Kristin Neffs library of guided self-meditation audio scripts!
Mindfulness techniques can also help you stay grounded amid holiday chaos. Consider a daily mindfulness practice, even if it’s just a few minutes of deep breathing or grounding exercises. When you notice your mind spiraling into “what-ifs” or holiday worries, gently bring your focus back to the present. Over time, these practices can cultivate a sense of calm, even in the midst of seasonal stress. You can find an effective sensorial meditation exercise here!
Reframing the Holidays for Your Well-being
The holiday season can indeed be a complex time, with both joy and anxiety often coexisting. As a therapist, I encourage you to let go of perfection and embrace what feels authentic for you. If certain traditions don’t align with your current needs, it’s okay to modify or skip them. Remember, you are allowed to prioritize your mental health, even during the holiday season.
Anxiety during the holidays is common, and acknowledging this is the first step to managing it. By setting boundaries, practicing self-compassion, and re-evaluating your expectations, you can navigate the season with greater ease. This holiday season, give yourself the gift of grace and permission to take care of your mental well-being.
References
American Psychological Association. (2021). Holiday Stress Statistics. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/stress/2021/holiday-stress
Brown, L., & Brown, J. (2020). The Importance of Boundaries in Family Relationships. Journal of Family Therapy, 42(3), 245-256.
Friedman, M. (2021). Holiday Financial Stress Survey. Financial Psychology Quarterly, 19(4), 311-322.
National Alliance on Mental Illness. (2022). Holiday Season Mental Health Report. Retrieved from https://www.nami.org/blog/2022/december/holiday-mental-health
Authors
Prerna Menon
LCSW | CCTP
Specialties: survivors of childhood sexual abuse & incest survivors, existential crisis, race-based stress, gender identity & sexuality-related conflicts, cross-cultural issues, addiction, international students, family issues & acculturation
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